i absolutely love this. it's comforting in all the whole meaning of the word

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alter.ego



"No good deed ever goes unpunished. Judge for yourself how incredibly ridiculous, and dangerous, it must always be to do good unto your fellow man."

Thank you so much for the comment and ! I'm really glad you liked it !

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"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)

This is beautiful. In addition to the form being intriguing and the poetic voice's slightly old-fashioned and comfortingly authoritative tone, the images are just lovely. On a non-technical note, I feel like I needed to read something like this right now, so it came at just the right time. Nicely done.

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"It is only while the body endures that the mind is subject to passive emotions." - Baruch Spinoza

love it!

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alter.ego



"No good deed ever goes unpunished. Judge for yourself how incredibly ridiculous, and dangerous, it must always be to do good unto your fellow man."

Hehe, the coincidence of good timing ! Thanks for letting me know that the narrator's tone is comfortingly authoritative; I was afraid that it would come across as somewhat pompous. Also, thank you for the !

--
"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)

I like this format, I may have to try it sometime. I have never written a structured poem.
Anyways... this peice is wonderful,
the last three stanzas are amazing.
Such a great purpose in this poem.

(I don't understand the orange shadows though... and find it difficult to pronounce 'orange' and still flow properly...)

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I'm not going to ask you to,
but it would be nice,
if my gallery had visit from you.

Yes, do try writing a terzanelle (although you might have a few hairs missing by the end of it) ! Also, I see where you're coming from with the orange shadows part, since I did hesitate over it when I was editing the poem. Here, shadows take on a more figurative meaning, in which the shadows represent the child's worries. Meanwhile, the colour orange comes from the light of the setting sun (as the poem is set in the evening). The use of orange is important here to show that the child has no need to worry, since orange denotes energy and warmth. As for pronunciation problems, what do you think of the word ‘amber’ instead of ‘orange’? For me, either word would work . By the way, thank you for letting me know your thoughts about this and the as well!

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"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)

Oh, yes. Yes I do like amber shadows more.
Not only does amber flow more smoothly, it also gives more of the feeling you are going for. Amber reminds me of a fire. A comforting fire, the kind you stare at for hours and never want to leave. They warm you in the cool night. And they throw shadows around, making it seem as though the world around you is dancing.
I think amber is lovely.

--
----
I'm not going to ask you to,
but it would be nice,
if my gallery had visit from you.

Okies, I've changed 'orange' to 'amber now'. Thank you !

--
"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)