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:iconautumnclarity:

Author's Comments

Meh.


:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz:
Copyright © AutumnClarity. You may not use, copy, modify, translate, reproduce, distribute, print or publish, in any manner, this literary piece without the express written and signed permission of ~AutumnClarity.

Comments


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:icongeohazard:
I wish I could open up your spine.
Open it and throw in strands of my hair.
Be the itch that you can’t live without.


Disturbingly poignant.

--
Man, you ain't lived / till you've had your tires rotated / by a redheaded woman. -Bruce Springsteen
:iconautumnclarity:
Thank you :hug:.

--
"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)
:icondanteholic:
I loved this piece.
I would take out the "and this way again" in the first stanza and just leave "and again". And I think the second 'quick' in stanza 2 could be done without.

But this is wonderful, loved how strange and yet familiar this feels. Don't mess with it too much.

--
"Let your words be fitting".
Inferno Canto X
:iconautumnclarity:
Done and done :thanks:...thank you so much for your suggestion (I really appreciate any constructive criticism I can get) and for the :+fav: as well :hug:!

--
"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)
:iconmissunderstand:
I wish I could open up your spine.
Open it and throw in strands of my hair.
Be the itch that you can’t live without.
But I know life is somewhere between
nowhere and goodbye; and you know
full well I’d rather be nowhere with
you than goodbye.


I enjoyed that most.

This part is a bit awkward:
Your placid face makes me want to
smear sand over mine, pound your
chest with: would you love still,
a sand marred face like this? So I do,
and you laugh, mouth disappearing
another chip, telling me: of course,
of course.
So easy. So easily.


Maybe:

Your placid face makes me want to
smear sand all over mine, pound your
chest and ask: 'would you still love,
a sand marred face like this?' So I do,
and you laugh, telling me: of course,
of course.
So easy. So easily.

--
----
I'm not going to ask you to,
but it would be nice,
if my gallery had visit from you.
:iconautumnclarity:
Thank you for the comment =D! I've taken on board some of your suggestions and hopefully it flows better now.

--
"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)
:iconhumwichawa:
I'll echo everyone else; I wish I could open up your spine is an arresting image. I also especially enjoy the last stanza.

--
"It is only while the body endures that the mind is subject to passive emotions." - Baruch Spinoza
:iconautumnclarity:
Thank you :hug:.

--
"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)
:icondelirium-nebula:
I really like this, it is deep and yet has a light-hearted note as well. Very lovely :+fav:

--
life is on the rocks
am i the sea or the sand? :heart:

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February 3
1.6 KB

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